C1 Writing: The C1 Essay with Commentary from Cambridge
What you will find in this guide:
C1 Essay 1
Question 1
Candidate A
Nowadays, many facilities could use money from local authorities. There are people who claim that cultural institutions should receive more money than other facilities. But which ones should receive more investment is open to debate.
On the one hand, museums should be the institutions that need to receive a lot of money because people have lost the interest in visiting and promoting them. In a world where true values are not respected as they should be, it is important to remember what really matters. Moreover, the young men should be aware of the importance of knowing basic things in different domains. For example, science and history museums provide people very interesting informations. Therefore, in order to have well-informed teenagers, the local authorities should give money to museums. With that money, it can be organised events like the day of open museums.
On the other hand, green spaces should also receive money from local authorities. Mainly because in big cities, where the air is very polluted trees can absorb many of the gases produced leading to a much healthier environment. Furthermore, there can be built spaces for kids to play and also running tracks for people who cannot afford to go to gym. It is important for people to keep doing exercises in open air and in my opinion, parks are the best place.
All in all, as far as I am concerned the most important facility that should receive investment from local authority are the museums.
Comments From Cambridge Examiners
Content Score: 5
All content is relevant to the task and the target reader is fully informed. The candidate discusses two of the proposed facilities (museums and parks), and chooses one of them (museums) to benefit from the extra funding. The candidate discusses the reasons why each one should receive the money: science and history museums provide people very interesting informations; in order to have well-informed teenagers, the local authorities should give money to museums; trees can absorb many of the gases produced leading to a much healthier environment; running tracks for people who cannot afford to go to gym. The final decision is made in the final paragraph.
Communicative Achievement Score: 3
The conventions of essay writing are used well. There is a clear opening paragraph and a strong conclusion which leaves no room for doubt as to where the money should go: … as far as I am concerned the most important facility that should receive investment from local authority are the museums. The register is consistently formal and the essay has an objective tone, giving opinions and providing supporting statements with evidence. The clear paragraphing helps to hold the target reader’s attention and communicate both straightforward and more complex ideas in a logical manner.
Organisation Score: 3
The text is well organised and coherent, and uses a variety of cohesive devices to generally good effect. The ideas are clearly introduced: Nowadays; On the one hand; Moreover; For example; Therefore; On the other hand; Furthermore; All in all. There is a mix of long and short sentences, and some of the shorter ones could benefit from being combined. Organisational patterns are evident in the choice of language. For example, in the first paragraph it is stated that many facilities could use money from local authorities. This then narrows to become cultural institutions should receive more money, and then the final sentence uses substitution to set out the main idea: But which ones should receive more investment is open to debate.
Language Score: 2
There is a range of relevant vocabulary, but this is not always used successfully to communicate full ideas. Take for example In a world where true values are not respected as they should be, it is important to remember what really matters. Although this has an appropriate tone and is accurate, it has little relevance to the text as a whole and adds no extra information. A range of simple and some more complex grammatical structures is used with control. However, there are a few word order and pronoun problems, such as it can be organised events; there can be built. There are also errors with plurals and articles, but these do not impede communication: the most important facility … are the museums; afford to go to gym; exercises in open air.
C1 Essay 2
Facilities in need of funds
Having listened to today’s radio programme about facilities that need financial help, I realised that sports centers and public gardens have been neglected over the years by the local authorities.
There are few sports centers out there that meet the right characteristics that a good sports center must have. This is one of the many reasons that people avoid sport. We see lots of kids nowadays suffering from obesity and other health problems caused by the simple fact that they don’t do sport. Another reason for this is that people have nowhere to go out for a walk or to run in a nice place. Public gardens, parks for example are also lacking in numbers. The ones that are already there are not very nice and they don’t look very good.
I think that by improving this two facilities the population can benefit from this. By creating more sports centers, there will be some more jobs offered, and some kids might even follow a sports career. By making more public gardens people can get out more often and spend some good quality time relaxing.
I think that local authorities should invest money in both facilities because, this is a good way to increase the populations health.
Comments From Cambridge Examiners
SUBSCALE MARK COMMENTARY
Content Score: 3
All content is relevant to the task and the target reader is on the whole informed. The candidate has not made a final selection between the two facilities. However, he makes a relevant choice (namely, to fund both facilities), and justifies this decision with evidence throughout the essay: This is one of the many reasons that people avoid sport … Another reason for this is that people have nowhere …
Communicative Achievement Score: 4
The conventions of essay writing are evident and the target reader’s attention is held throughout. The opening statement sets up the context of the essay, and the candidate chooses two of the facilities to discuss (parks and sports centres). The candidate links these two aspects throughout the essay, and this linking is effective in communicating more complex ideas which relate to both facilities. For example: sports centers and public gardens have been neglected over the years; people avoid sport … Another reason for this is that people have nowhere to go out for a walk. The arguments are backed up and supported with evidence either from personal experience or from the input text. A consistent register is used, and the overall tone is suitably persuasive and objective.
Organisation Score: 4
The text is well organised and coherent. Fairly subtle organisational patterns and cohesive devices are used, rather than overt linking words: for example, relative clauses/pronouns, substitution and ellipsis. For example: Having listened to … I realised that; We see lots of kids nowadays suffering from obesity … caused by; Another reason for this is; The ones that are. Some sentences are quite short and could have been connected to make the text more fluid at times: Public gardens, parks for example are also lacking in numbers. The ones …, but the overall effect is good.
Language Score: 3
There is a range of vocabulary and some less common lexis, which is collocated appropriately: neglected over the years; suffering from obesity; the simple fact that; lacking in numbers; follow a sports career; quality time. There is also a range of simple and more complex grammatical structures used with control. Although there is slight awkwardness in places and a few errors, these do not cause the reader difficulty: that meet the right characteristics that a good sports center must have.
FAQ
The Writing paper of the Cambridge C1 Advanced exam consists of two parts: One Essay and one task where you can choose your task from given options.
You are required to choose one type of writing in the second task. Your options are: Writing a letter, an email, a proposal, a report, and a review.
The Writing paper is assessed based on your control of a range of language, correct use of grammar structures, specificity of words or structures to express your ideas, and the effective use of functional language to persuade, agree, or compare
